Home remodeling projects will make you homicidal or will teach you new life lessons. Often, simultaneously. A handyman I know has extraordinary skills. He’s fast, thorough and a perfectionist. The only skill lacking for this man I have come to rely upon is, well, reliability. He may or may not show up when he swears he will. I know this about him, but like Charlie Brown, hope that our football of a commitment will remain in place this time.
The handyman took the measurements, I ordered the door and the football was jerked away again. He went MIA and I went into panic, rage and self-pity in short order. Thank God for big brothers. Jim swooped in, a little hurt I had not called him first. He was right. I may not have been the most qualified person to order doors in the first place. I thought “pre-hung” meant the door came with hinges. Imagine my surprise to discover it doesn't mean that at all.
My front door is now installed and looks beautiful. Just as important, I’ve got no beef with the handyman. There is a reason everyone relates to Charlie Brown’s eternal faith in Lucy’s reassuring promises, despite more than a half-century’s evidence to the contrary. We do indeed manufacture our own misery, whether it’s expecting people to change, magical thinking or desperate attempts to teach that pig to sing. As the old saying goes, it doesn’t work and it will only piss off the pig.
The next project? Ask me in January. 2014.
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