Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Bag Lady

When a new law takes effect in 2012, Santa Cruz County shoppers will no longer have  plastic bags as an option. If you don't have a reusable tote, you will be hauling groceries out in a paper bag or your two bare hands.
Plastic bags have a billion-year lifetime, suck up valuable resources to produce and  look butt-ugly scuttling across parking lots and beaches when the wind blows. On the other hand, when was the last time you poop-scooped with a paper bag? It may be the tiniest bit selfish to put my convenience ahead of  Mother Earth's future. But, I'm just saying.
Both my father and brother stockpiled food, guns and ammo for the imminent breakdown of society/government takeover/earthquake/what-have-you. Easy to mock until I realized I only have a year to build up a lifetime supply of poop bags for Little Pup Lodge. I saw this coming, but was in denial. The most I did to prepare was choose plastic over paper. (Yes, I felt guilty and yes, I'm sure others in line said really awful things about me as soon as my back was turned.) There may be a few of those bags out there in the ocean right now, sailing  to  the Pacific Trash Vortex. If so, rest assured there is cargo on board. Stinky cargo.
Most stores now have a barrel in front for customers to recycle their plastic bags. Like a good dumpster diver, I've figured out which stores have the best  barrels for my needs. Safeway barrels are okay, but I'm never quite sure if something besides clean, non-biodegradable bags will be in them. Target is out; those bags are much too big. Staples wins. Their barrel is inside by the check stand, which cuts down on the number of nitwits who mistake it for a trash can. Chances are slim that my hand will bump into something gooey or wet while it fishes around in there.
Someday they will develop biodegradable poop bags that don't dissolve in your hand, but that day is not here. In the meantime, my hotel guests and their peristaltic systems will make sure that many, many plastic bags will be recycled. Ed Begley, Jr. would be proud of us.
  Ed Begley, Jr: lean, mean and green.

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